Clean
by Guardian Kysra
Summary: A chase. A broken arm. One hell of a night. All for one pair of girl's underwear. Tea and Seto will never be the same. SetoTea
1. Clean

Another challenge response. This time the challenger was Azurite; and the challenge was a Seto/Téa ficlet titled "Clean" using the line, "Give me back my panties, Kaiba. Don't make me hurt you."

**Warning: Blatant sexual innuendo.**

_**Clean**_

**by Kysra**

"So, I told him, 'Give me back my panties, Kaiba. Don't make me hurt you.'"

"And how, exactly, did he get your panties in the first place?"

"They were in his dryer. He was looking for a certain trenchcoat. Do the math."

"All of that because you slipped in a deep mud puddle, and little Kaiba's a sweetie."

"Unlike his brother."

"Did he give you your panties back? Or did you _hurt_ him as promised?"

"No to both. He told me that if I wanted them, I'd have to _take_ them back. He ran. I pursued and tripped over a kink in the rug."

"I take it that's how you broke your arm."

"Yep. I must have fallen on it wrong or something; but to give him credit where it's due, Kaiba drove me to the after-hours emergency clinic himself and had his personal physician meet us there."

"Ah, that was almost nice of him. Maybe he didn't want you to slap him with a lawsuit."

"I would have sued him for my panties before suing him for one cracked metacarpal."

"Did you have your panties back by then? Or did you have to see the doctor . . . exposed?"

"Why do you keep going back to the panties?"

"Because I find it amusing."

A sigh, "No. I did not get my panties back by then. We argued about it the whole time the doctor was away developing the x-rays."

"And?"

"And what?"

"For goodness sake, Téa! Getting this story is like extracting teeth!"

"I'm trying to find a way to keep it clean."

"Clean?"

"Yeah."

" . . . So . . am I to infer that all is not innocent in this little adventure of yours?"

"If it were totally innocent, would I be talking to _you_ about it?"

"_What happened_? Do NOT leave out a single detail!"

"I'll tell you what happened, but I am not giving details."

"I can live with that. So spill!"

"At the end of the argument, I made a mistake and told him I'd do anything to get those panties back. He asked me what I could possibly have that he would want."

There was much chuckling, "I could just imagine. What did you say to that?"

"The first thing that popped into my head."

"And that was?"

"A vagina."

Total silence.

"You didn't."

"I can assure you, I certainly did."

"And he gave you your panties back then?"

"No. He took me up on my 'offer.'"

"Oh my God!"

"That's _exactly_ what I said. Multiple times. And do you know, Mai, that jerk still hasn't given me my panties back."

The smirk would not be hidden, "Maybe he's saving them as a souvenir."

"Gives new meaning to the euphemism 'doing the laundry,' doesn't it?"

"So, I have to know, do you think _he's_ keeping it clean?"


	2. The Other er Seto's Side of 'Clean'

**_The Other - er - Seto's Side of 'Clean'_**

**by Kysra**

"Kaiba!"

"Hurry up, Fido, I don't have all day."

"What. Did. You. DO. To. Téa?"

"Who says I did anything to her?"

"You broke her arm!"

Muttered, "Among other things."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!"

"I said, 'I did no such thing.'"

"Then why did she tell me to ask YOU how it happened?"

"How am I supposed to know how her mind works?"

"You did something to her! I KNOW you did! And I want to know every single detail!"

He couldn't resist smirking in the yellow dog's face, "I promise you'll be sorry you said that."

Confused blinking, "Huh?"

"I'll tell you what I _did_ to your little friend. Just remember that you asked for it."

The mutt's glare was intense but only slightly alarming, "Did you hurt her?"

"No. In fact, I was very gentle."

More confused blinking, "Are we talking about the same thing here?"

"Probably not."

"For the last time, Jack-off! What did you do to Téa?"

"Funny you should mention the words, 'Jack-off" . . ."

"KAIBA!"

"Again, remember that you asked for it. I'm not responsible for your shattered delusions once I'm finished."

Joey Wheeler growled at him.

"Apparently, Gardner was walking home in the rain when she fell in a mud puddle. My brother saw her from his bedroom window and offered our facilities. I was not informed of her presence in my home and had the good fortune of finding her panties in the drier."

"WHAT!"

"She caught me studying them and told me, 'Give me back my panties, Kaiba. Don't make me hurt you.'"

"You had better have given them back, you damned pervert!"

The smirk became wider, "I explained to her that if she wanted them, she'd have to _take_ them back. I ran, she followed and tripped, breaking her arm."

"So you _were_ responsible!"

"No one was holding a gun to her head, and she was fully clothed in some of my old things. She could have let it go."

"Damn you!"

"Do you want to hear the rest, or can I get back to my business now?"

More growling.

"Since it was my rug she tripped on, I drove her to the emergency after-hours clinic on the other side of town after telling Mokuba to inform my physician to meet us there."

"AND!"

"Stop barking, Mutt. You're making a scene."

"Fuck you, Kaiba."

"Your friend already has."

"WHAT!"

"We argued the entire time the x-rays were being processed about those panties of hers. Toward the end, however, she made a rather stupid mistake."

"What. Did. You. _Do_. To. Her."

"She said she would do anything to get her panties back. I asked her what she could possibly offer me."

"And?"

"And what? I don't have time for these little interruptions of yours."

"WHAT DID SHE OFFER!"

"Her vagina."

O.O

"And I very generously accepted."

O.O

"So, after her cast was applied, we went to her house since she was home alone for the night."

O.O

"I called Mokuba to let him know I'd be late, and then . . . "

"YOU FORCED HER! There's no other explanation!"

The smirk became a full fledged grin, "I can assure you that of all the things she said, asked, and screamed, the words, 'no,' 'stop,' or any derivatives thereof were not among them."

O.O

"Yes, well, I think you've heard more than you can handle, and I have somewhere to be. So, be a good puppy and give these back to your little friend."

O.O ;; "They're . . . "

An evil little chuckle, "Her panties."


	3. UnClean

Because Azurite wanted the entire story up to 'Clean' and 'Seto's Side.'

**Warning: Blatant and continuous sexual innuendo.**

_**UnClean Part 1**_

**by Kysra  
**

_Oh. My. God._

To say Téa was panicked would have been an understatement. She sat, frozen and wide-eyed in the passenger seat, lips parted, the fingers of her intact hand fiddling nervously at her new cast.

_What was I thinking?_

That was the million yen question. What had she been thinking? She remembered being incensed at her "companion," Seto Kaiba, when he refused to return her property, utterly irritated that he wasn't in the least sympathetic to her pain, and completely distracted by his intimidating hulk and direct stare.

He had asked her what she could possibly have to offer him, to barter for the return of her underwear, and she had . . . she had answered with what had been meant as a joke,

_"A vagina."_

And then to her utter surprise, he had frowned momentarily,

_"I accept."_

For a pair of panties, she had become a prostitute (if you defined the term very loosely). And yet . . .

_Yet . . . _

She had entertained a wildly romanticized vision of her first time. Her . . . partner and she would be in love - that was a given. He would wine and dine her. She would be wearing expensive lingerie for the "big event," and everything would be perfect, all silk sheets and soft music, gentle touches and bone-deep sighs. They would cuddle by candlelight after they reached simultaneous fulfillment and wake next to each other in the morning, content and reveling in a new spiritual connection.

With two little words, she had destroyed that dream.

_If I protested loud enough, maybe . . . Seto Kaiba is many things, but I can't believe he's a deviant or a rapist. I could get out of this and let him have the stupid panties if he's that attached to them._

But, if she backed out, if she made her case and put a stop to this disaster in the making –

_Would it really be so bad?_

The irony of the situation at hand was not lost on her. She had never really considered Seto Kaiba to be a sexual being. Sometimes, when he was being exceptionally surly or mean, she even found herself thinking he might not be human. He was just another classmate, her best friend's rival, a poor little rich boy who was gifted with the sweetest kid brother in the world, a towering intellect, and ready-made monopoly. He wasn't even a he in her mind, but - simply - another body taking up space, some strangely familiar faceless mannequin she bumped into from time to time. Like the guys, the form she had constructed for him in her head was safely and effectively emasculated, asexual, genderless.

_But it's different now . . . _

One comment had spawned a reply that was victorious in desecrating the glorious illusions she had created to protect herself. Seto Kaiba was no longer a mere sexless figment but a solid, flesh and blood man sitting beside her, driving down the empty streets toward her empty house where they would summarily get naked and . . . . Suddenly, she was aware of the heat his body emanated just beside her, of the width and breadth of his shoulders, of his impressive height, and slim but toned physique. She was overcome by the angry beauty of his face, all angles and straight lines, the stubborn stormy blue of his eyes, the clean brow line, and the tumbling locks of rich brown hair.

He had become, in a matter of mere seconds, the most dangerous, scariest force she had ever known. That he was also the most attractive specimen she had ever seen only served to exacerbate matters.

_But why? Even if he had taken me seriously, why would he accept? He hates me._

Unfortunately, Téa was not given the chance to theorize on the inner workings of Seto Kaiba's brain as she noticed they had reached her home. If she were totally honest with herself, she really didn't want to know; however, there was so much uncertainty eating away at her strangled confidence, a veritable wall of confusion closing in behind her eyes. She needed to know why he was doing this, because if she understood his motives, perhaps she would begin to understand her own.

_How can he be so **calm**?_

Surreal. That's what this situation was. Her eyes had nearly bugged out when he had opened the door for her after parking the car in her driveway. Her breath had become a stationary little bubble of pressure within her throat when he had offered his hand and summarily helped her (unnecessarily) to her front door. She could swear her legs had turned to jelly when he closed and locked the door behind them, his eyes burning through the moonlit darkness before her nervous dash for the light switch. Her heart had - literally - skipped a beat (or two or four) when he had insisted he wasn't hungry, that cooking for him wasn't necessary, and she recognized the implied corollary - he wasn't hungry for food. And she was on the verge of a heart attack as she watched him partake of her excellent miso with anxious and confused eyes.

She was - quite literally - frightened beyond all comprehension and sanity.

_Why can't he be even **remotely** nervous? Has he done this before?_

Oh, God. What if he had? What if he had a collection of blackmail ladies' underwear hidden in his bedroom? What if he had some sort of strange, perverted shrine dedicated to all the virgins he had sacrificed in the name of panty stealing? What if –

"I'm impressed, Gardner. Your miso is excellent."

Perhaps it was because she was absolutely terrified out of her mind and trying her best to hide it or maybe it was the fact that - for the first time and probably the last time - Seto Kaiba had complimented her without resorting to his condescending smirk. Whatever the reason, Téa's mortification multiplied infinitely as a reply flew from her acerbic tongue to linger between and heavily upon them, "Is that your brand of foreplay?"

His smirk was a razor cutting into her very soul, "That depends."

Téa gave a mental scream of horror as her body leaned forward and her lips constructed a reply, "If it's working?"

"If you're game."

She wanted to say no. She wanted with every cell of her body to kick him to the curb and scream that he could keep the damn panties if they were that important to him. But she didn't, because -

"Why . . . are you looking at me like that?"

His mouth was a solid stroke of sensuous temptation, forming a beckoning little smirk. Their eyes met, his a glazed midnight blue peeking, beckoning from beneath narrowed lids, hers a startled, glittering bright cerulean half-afraid, half-questioning.

"I think you know why."

It was then that Téa became convinced she was either possessed or aliens had sucked out her brain, because there was absolutely no way to explain what came out of her mouth next, "Are you going to do something about it?"

He gave her a look that made her mind go blank before the thought was processed, _Good Lord, what are we talking about again? And why hasn't he made a move? . . . I did **not** just think that._

That was about when she noticed that _the_ Seto Kaiba - her classmate and rival of her best friend, duelist of the first rank, teenaged CEO, one of the richest men in the world, and one of the few people she could honestly admit to having a general dislike for - was stripping. In her dining room. While she watched.

_I **must** have died and gone to hell. Where is Bakura when you need him to murder someone . . . or - better - steal a soul?_

And all the while these panicked thoughts were running through her head, they had never broken eye contact, her breathing had deepened, and the beleaguered heart in her chest was easily overworking itself.

_I am **so** suing him if I die of a heart attack! . . . I need to get out of here! I need to get out of this!_

But there was no escape, and as lovely tanned skin stretched over - _Thank you, thank you for whatever Kaiba does to build THOSE_ - taut muscle was systematically exposed, she couldn't help sending up the mental Hosanna humming through her body.

_Damned traitorous hormones! I have to stall him! I have to ESCAPE! Where can I g – OH MY GOD!_

His shirt discarded, Seto Kaiba smirked down upon the dainty part in her hair since her eyes were transfixed with that portion of him exposed at her eye level - namely his torso. He had to stifle a laugh as he noted the hanging jaw and building drool, "Why don't we retire to your bedroom and become better acquainted?"

Slowly, the words seeped into the comprehensive part of her brain, and with effort - draining, torturous effort - she managed to tear her eyes away from his well-defined chest and magnificent arms, "Um, I'll just . . . I need to shower first." Because the bathroom locked from the inside and boasted a window just big enough for her to wiggle through. Nevermind that it was on the second floor, she had already suffered one broken bone today, she could deal with a few more.

Téa could _feel_ him looking at her, "We'll shower afterwards."

_Oh. My. **GOD**. That BASTARD!_

Because, of course, he meant they would shower _together_. All for a pair of panties. They were both - Téa was inclined to be fair in her assessment - sick puppies. Though, she thought that if she were to ever call Seto Kaiba a puppy of any sort, he would – well, considering his actions tonight, she didn't know what to expect from him anymore.

And no matter how she sliced it, _I could still just say no. Why aren't I saying no? **Why haven't I said no**_?

"Why are you doing this?" It was her voice, but she was positive she had intended to say something totally different.

He gave her a measuring look before nonchalantly pushing his pants over his narrow hips, "Why not?"

That she was goggling at him was not the problem, that she was actually considering that answer as valid was.

_Mind control, that's the only explanation. Does he have the Rod on him somewhere?_

And then, _Téa Gardner, don't you dare twist that question into something we'll regret_. But her eyes had a mind of their own tonight, and they suddenly dipped to catch a glimpse of –

_oh. my. god_, she mentally squeaked, _he's going to tear me apart_.

And it was the mind-numbing fear that prompted her to make yet another huge mistake, "Kaiba, have you done this before? I mean . . . I thought you – How could _you_ want _me_?"

_It's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. It can't happen because I'm me and he's –_

Standing there - in her dining room - in only his boxers and socks, Seto seemed to be considering her desperate inquiry. Then his eyes, sharp and direct seemed to cut into her skin, his cool fingers soothing the imagined burning sensation caused by such an intense gaze, "I think the question is: How could I _not_ want you?"

Her eyes felt as if they were about to jump out of their sockets, and the air seemed suddenly too thin, "B – but –"

"And I haven't done this before."

"Then why –"

"Enough talk, Gardner."

And then hungry lips descended upon hers, sucking, nibbling, licking, tasting, and bruising before releasing roughly as two strong hands grasped the collar of her blouse before tearing the white cotton cloth from her body in one smooth motion.

Shocked, glazed blue eyes looked out and up, dumbstruck and mute, from a face stained crimson even as arms wrapped and covered the nearly exposed chest instinctively.

Kaiba's smirk merely widened at the little squeal she gave when his hand came down hard on her rear, "As I said: Bedroom. Now."

To be continued . . .


	4. Simple and Clean

**Notes**: Written for the LJ Timestamp challenge. This takes place 1 year after the events of _Unclean_. (I will finish Unclean at an unspecified time in the future). Requested by Mamono.

_**Simple and Clean**_

_by Kysra_

A door slam. A disinterested grunt. The sharp intake of breath just before –

"That's **IT**!! I want my stuff back, Kaiba. **_NOW_**!!!"

Pause.

"I mean how sick is this? You have over TWENTY _sets_ of my underwear! I've had to buy replacements! And –"

"I paid for them."

"Yes, you did. (And thank you again, by the way, even if you _did_ STEAL THOSE TOO). You sleazy, no-good, panty-obsessed –"

"Pervert."

"YES! Pervert. I mean it's been a YEAR, and you're still stealing my panties and bras and lingerie! I had to petition to wear PANTS to school, I'm so paranoid about HOW you're stealing them! And when you're not taking my underwear, you're petitioning me for sex and –"

"_We_ petition _each other_."

"WHATEVER! The point is it's getting ridiculous! We never just TALK. Instead, we –"

"Argue."

"Exactly! And when we're not arguing, we're having meaningless sex!!!"

"Or make-up sex."

"And while that's all well and good (_really_ good), it's been a YEAR."

"So you've said. Twice now."

"A YEAR, Kaiba. A year of 'your place or mine,' of hiding from my parents, of LOSING ALL MY DELICATES!"

"You look better without them anyway."

"A girl likes to know she's appreciated! I want more than this whatever-the-hell-it-is screwed up THING we have going. I want to go out to dinner or a movie, to hold hands in public, and spend quality non-sex time actually having a conversation!!! I want –"

"Intimacy."

"Precisely! I'm surprised you even _know_ that word; but YES. Intimacy. I'm tired of using you and I'm sick of being used!"

"Fine."

The sharp click of a closing laptop. The silent thunderclap of eyes meeting.

"Fine?"

"Marry me."

A pause and then, softly –

"Okay."


End file.
